AH is singing a different tune
Someone please tell me to stay detached, to be on alert, and to stick to my guns about what I really want out of a marriage. My AH has been genuinely committed to me and our son, he seems more like the man I fell in love with, and he even asked me for a hug yesterday. But, when I embraced him, I felt awkward, I felt on alert, and like I didn't trust the motives or my own intuition. I constantly feel like I'm second guessing myself.
We basically got kicked out of marriage counseling. We were told to come back once a month to check in with him but that weekly sessions were a waste of time because AH wouldn't change. That was 2 weeks ago and it's like he's done a 180.
I, then, got a notice from the DMV today telling us that AH has another 6 months tacked onto his interlock because he had 2 attempts to start the car but exceeded the limit. I did not know about this specifically. Well, our son told me a few weeks ago that AH got 6 months added because, "Dad left the car running at the gas station and didn't hear the beep go off." Umm, I knew better. I just didn't know he had 2 attempts and he's made no mention of it to me, either.
I guess I just am not ready to trust yet. But, there's a part of me that craves the 'normal' and I feel myself being drawn to it. Then, I remind myself that this pattern seems to repeat. It's probably what's kept me in this marriage for this long, knowing that good times will come around eventually.
I'm just confused and needed to write it all out. FYI: the hug thing was after the funeral for his mother so I think there was some emotion relating to the passing of his mother, too, but his new nice persona has been around for a few weeks before she passed. And, her passing was unexpected so he and his siblings are taking her death pretty hard. Turns out she had a heart attack and fell. The police found her while investigating another elderly neighbor's traffic issue(the woman ran into a few parked cars on their street and the police were speaking to her). They saw that my mother in law's door was ajar, her walker was on the porch, and there was a bunch of mail sitting on the porch. The police entered the home and found her body. It really was sad and I think my AH's siblings are feeling guilty that they hadn't been checking on her more frequently. Both AH and I were the only relatives who had spoken to her the week before she passed.