Sounds like he is off the beam. Honesty is the number one thing that must be developed when we get sober. Even in denial, we tell the truth as we know it if we are to be successful. However, I NEVER had to be nickel-and-dimed by my SO. It sets up a parent-child relationship and we are both adults.
Many have put themselves into serious debt to enable the addicts in their lives. We addicts actually do better when we hit the bottom and can't take it anymore...ie we want to get sober enough to make a plan and then do the plan. And KEEP doing the plan.
I am also a triple addict (alcohol/drug/sex). My new beginning finally started when my SO stopped propping me up (place to stay, "sacrificing for us" financially, not keeping his boundaries, etc) and stopped acting like my parent (checking my drawers, phone, computer, pockets, etc). Now, after both of us getting into recovery (me for my stuff and him for codependence - Alanon), we are two sober adults making it work. He says it is very refreshing and awesome that he can trust me and not have to go behind me anymore. BUT.....I had to EARN that trust. And it took a long time.
So, if you think your bf is using, he probably is. Is it "crazy" to ask him about financials. Yes, it is controlling. The four things my SO did the most were: martyring, mothering, manipulating, managing. The 4 M's of codependence. From my perspective, THAT going away is awesome, too.
