Today was really rough.
I have always had problems sleeping, since childhood, and the new medication I am on is increasing my sleep problems. So I was up again at 3 am.
There were lots of insomniacs last night so the chat room was full- I wasn't alone so that was a good thing.
I had an appointment to see my doctor at 9am and by the time I got there I was crying and pretty much in melt down mode. I understand it takes time for anti depressants and similar medicines to get into your system and to work. It has just been a long time I have been trying to find the right one and I was tired and frustrated.
That is when my Beast likes to appear. It seemed to think that drinking to black out would be a solution for the helplessness I felt this morning. It said "come on, no medicine has worked so far. Cut yourself some slack. Go get a big bottle of wine and just float".
I know not to engage but I was distraught so I told it to f off and other colorful words.
I made myself take the dog for a walk. She thoroughly enjoyed it but it was an effort for me, and its usually not. However, I won. I did it.
We received way more snow than they called for. The roads are horrible. I took my Aunt some pizza for dinner, stopped and saw my Dad for a few minutes and then came home.
I'm wrapped up in my Snoopy Pajamas drinking hot chocolate and so grateful I didn't listen to that voice. The only thing wine would have done would be to make me sadder.
My doctor gave me something to help me sleep. She said she thought if I could get the sleep issue straightened out the medicine would fall in line sooner. So tonight I have hope I will get some overdue rest. Either that or I turn into that Giant Luna Moth. Will let you know.
Applecake- My therapist had me buy The Feeling Good Handbook. She said she has had a lot of success with it. I've read some but am having a hard time concentrating but will keep at it. Thanks for your kind words.
Munch- I wasn't even thinking....you could get me a discounted ticket to Tahiti, couldnt you?????
