Thread: @$&@%#*
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Old 01-28-2013, 09:44 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Oh dear, SadConfused, this is such a terrible burden for you to carry. Very frightening.

I have some familiarity with that, because, when I left my alcoholic porn addicted husband last July 4th, I could not see the depth of the emotional abuse I had been suffering, and while I ran from the porn, I didn't understand how close I had come to losing my identity and self in that circle of abuse that contained me and fenced me in, away from the rest of the world.

I was not a reliable witness to my own life. I could not be a rational advocate for myself. I needed people who had distance and perspective to help me get my thinking back to reality.

And your situation is much much worse, much much more dangerous since it is escalating physical abuse.

I'm thinking, as I read so many posts about calling domestic violence people, and especially as I look at that unnerving chart Florence posted about the cycle of abuse, that you are stuck so deep in this cycle that it is hard to get your head to the surface and see what is really going on.

As all of us would, you have to keep ducking under the surface of the water to try and keep his abuse from hitting you again.

First, you are on the inside of this abuse, fenced in by fear. This is keeping you captive in an escalating dangerous situation.

You are not seeing the world through your own true eyes. You are seeing it through the filter of "what further abuse will my AH do to me if I disobey him?"

For me, I had been brainwashed. I was not able to understand what was happening to me because I allowed myself to be brainwashed that my AH's view was "THE view".

Get outside that perspective and do some reality checks with people who have survived what you are going through. Call domestic violence. Call a lawyer. Call a minister. Call a counsellor or psychiatrist.

Second, to preserve your PHYSICAL safety for your and your child, let alone your EMOTIONAL safety, you need to exit this living situation. Thinking that chaos, fighting, and damage may result if you tell your family what is going on comes from believing that your AH has all the power and control over what happens to you and your son.

This is not true. You can get out safely, with your child. You need to do it carefully, planned out so that you prevent the potential payback your AH may want for your disobeying him and revealing him.

The fact that your dad and brothers would fight for you can be scarey, especially knowing how much violence your AH carries, and how he might react to intervention from the men in your family. Their potential rage against your AH's treatment of you can be channeled into protecting you in powerful non-violent ways.

Who is the most rational among your family? Maybe your Dad? Maybe you could have him accompany you and your son to seeing a domestic violence specialist, and work out a reasonable, safe plan for your family to help you get out of this desperate living situation.

You have allies; when you realize this, and that their love for you can be channeled into constructive action to get you free, you'll find your way out.

We're here with you, whatever you do or don't do, think of us as your new best friends!

ShootingStar1
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