I had suspicions, for a month or so, that he was drinking. He did not admit it until I caught him hiding a wine glass and then found a box of wine in the trunk of his car.
I always had suspicions -- they say the relapse starts before you actually use, a lot of sneaky behavior and REASONS why he shouldn't or couldn't attend meetings, counseling sessions, etc -- and he denied my suspicions until he was caught red-handed. Even then, sometimes he tried to find ways of explaining the booze away.
I found that instead of doing the are you using/denial/stress/drama cycle, which was endless, and which always led to a "final discussion", where I was reassured that he would do whatever was necessary to stay clean and he didn't, I learned to sit on my suspicions and proceed as normal. The truth will reveal itself, as they say here. And it always did when I wasn't chasing it. In the meantime, I was working on my boundaries, attending counseling, and reading every word on SR.
Relapses don't have to be long and dramatic.
True. While the consequences of my AH's use were dramatic, his daily use was quiet and unassuming. His relapses were private, small, but too consistent to ignore. Like Lexie says, it's more important that he realizes what he's done on his own and doubles down, and isn't waiting to be caught before he takes any action. If any.
P.S. Don't worry about what's for or "against" recovery.
This is a process, there aren't any rules.