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Old 01-27-2013, 08:13 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
applecake
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
Oh, wow! What a wonderful gem your ninja diary is, Art! Thank you for sharing like this.

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
I recently started working with a therapist who said something that hit home. All these years I have wanted the depression to go away. She said it might not. You have to have tools for the times it does not. That seems like a simple statement but it knocked me over. I have always felt I could "think my way out of it". Would I expect someone else to do it? Of course not. But I thought I was "Terminally Unique" in that area.
I recently started working through a book that might help you further develop an entire toolkit of depression coping/busting strategies. It is long, but it has really been an eye-opener for me. The book is called Feeling Good by David D. Burns and focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm on the chapter about learning to handle criticism from others. Wish I'd known about this book years ago!

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
Then I got angry, really REALLY angry at my AV.
I said "Are you KIDDING me???? What the hell is wrong with YOU???? YOU go crawl in a bottle of wine!!! "

This was huge for me. It was the first time I have truly been able to separate. I have always thought all my thoughts are me and I was less of a person or lacking in character for having them.
To be able to yell at this voice, to separate felt good. It felt freeing.
I said to it " go do what you want you, MORON, I am going to deal with it differently".
This was so cool! I felt like I was in a theater on opening night. I just wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer and yell...kinda like the end of the broadway production of Les Miserables when the entire cast climbs on the barricade with the tattered French flag, and it's all I can do not to jump up and belt out, "Do you hear the people sing?!?" Uh-oh...it's starting..."singing a song of angry men...it is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!"

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
Yesterday I also said no. Which is new/hard for me. I was invited to a dinner hosted at a club with a bar. I didn't debate with myself if I wanted a drink or not. I chose not to put myself in an environment where it would be a question. I also cut myself some slack on that decision. Have I decided not to drink again? Yes. However, I am new at it. I wouldn't enter an ice skating competition the first week I learned how to skate.
Excellent analogy with the ice skating competition! Yes! Exactly!

Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
And beyond that...drinking is self-destructive. Hurting yourself hurts those who love you and it does not honor all they have done for you.
This is so true! My personal experience has been that I absolutely have to put ME first. It wasn't until I realized/accepted that I deserved better that I was actually able to make any real headway with walking away from the bottle. When I was trying to do it out of love for others, it just didn't work. But what a wonderful externality of loving myself--that I can honor my loved ones! I love, love, love your purple eye, btw.
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