I was lying on a guerney in the emergency room in excruciating pain when the doctor entered with a rig. "What's that?" I cried out. "Just some demerol for..."
And then he hit the floor as I rolled off the table and swung the IV pole at him, clipping him in the shoulder. I was 30 days clean and as far as my 30 day clean brain was concerned, it may as well have been an AK-47 - he was trying to kill me.
I get it. There are times for pain meds; this might be one of those times. Might not be. Reading your posts though, I get the sense you are serious. I think you'll make the right decision when the time comes.