Greeting from the frozen Ninja tundra. The temp right now is -2F (-19C). My everything is frozen.
My intent with this diary was to never drink again and to chronicle that. However, I drank two weeks ago and I was too embarrassed to post that. Many reasons but the end result is the same. I had a choice and I chose to drink. I have seen so many success stories on here and want that for myself. I was deeply disappointed in myself.
Forward is the only way I can continue so that is what I am choosing.
I have never been a big TV fan, I didn't own a set for years. However a few weeks ago I watched the Biggest Loser for the first time.I found it compelling that many of these adults were trying to burying hurt under food. Age old hurt from when they were kids.....and most times did not even realize they were doing it.They were on autopilot in some cases.
Sometimes things hit you in the face, cause an ah-ha moment, epiphany, kick in the arese....whatever you want to call it.
It hit me that I have been doing the same thing, only with alcohol not food. Why am I so afraind of being the person I know I can be?
I have been trying to figure out what are the things that are really bothering me. What are the things I'm really running from and self sabotaging for? I have been working with a therapist....and sometimes.....sometimes you have buried something so long it hurts like h*ll to even recognize what you have been trying to run from. So, that's where I am.
Frozen solid and contemplating.
Take care,Art