"When a situation goes sideways on me, I work it backwards.......and most of the time I can find a point where I had the opportunity to make a decision or choice that could have changed the outcome.....at least..... for me."
I have been thinking about how to do this very thing, especially with regards to my own enabling that puts conflict-avoiding at center stage. It is a twist on what you've said, but still the same outcome...when I choose to take something in and ignore or not address the facts of what's NOT mine, I am putting the bug in my, well, I think I prefer putting in my ear, like a bee.
All of this helps me right now, KE & TT. Thank you both.