Petunia,
I have been dealing with this same issue for a long time. I can get ok with detaching from anyone, even Mr Magic, now. But my mother, father, and brother, and even my extended family, still bring up all those old thoughts and behaviors that I loathe. I feel powerless to do anything but be away from them at this time.
I am working the steps on this matter. I know that I have to find some peace about this. I know that in time, with God's help, I will.
Prayers and support for you. You aren't alone in this struggle. And at this time of year, it seems that much harder. Hugs, Magic