Fooling Myself
I had lunch today with my H and we got talking about my family. He said he hoped that I could figure out something that worked for me regarding them. He said this because I finally told my truth to them regarding the way they have treated me over the years and we haven't spoken in over 2 months.
At first my auto reply (can anyone say - "react") was to say to him, "I really don't think about it much". He replied, "Yes you do", and he was so right.
I still try and pretend that nothing hurts me. Even when I still feel the grief of, and am trying to accept the fact that I have no legitimate, i.e. emotionally capable, parents. It bothers me and strikes me as unfortunate that I still autoreply to situations rather than dealing with the emotions connected with them. Definitely a meeting tonight. I've not been to any lately and I REALLY need some this week.
This Thanksgiving I have much to be thankful for, and will include in my list the fact that I am beginning to accept that my family will never be the way I would like them to be. That they will never stop all the co-dependent games and that if I am to thrive, rather than survive, I must learn to detach from my biological family. I'm struggling with disconnecting (what I am doing) rather than detaching (what would be healthier). I am thankful for SR and the willingness of all the people here to open their hearts, souls, minds, and spirits to try and make life better for themselves, and thereby help others.
Life is beautiful, sometimes it just doesn't take the shape we wish it would.
Peace to all,
Petunia