Please don't change your mind - you sound like you could need some people to lean on for just a while.
This is not your shame, Sandy. Your husband's difficulties are not your fault. They are not a reflection of you.
Now is the time to do something for YOU. Check out my post to Buster a bit further down about meetings, so that you know what to expect.
I wish I was on the other side of the "Pond", so that I could go with you and hold your hand.
Take care of yourself.
Love
Minnie
xxxx