Playing my Addiction Game
The rules are: Procrastinate. Exhaust all "painless" solutions. Avoid suffering at all costs.
Thats me.
I am on my second round of antibiotics for lung infection.
I have been given an inhaler for COPD.
I have a "starter pack" of Chantix. $200.00 btw
I am smoking right now.
I read some stories about using Chantix. One guy went on a drinking binge while taking it. That TERRIFIED me for obvious reasons.
When I attempted to quit drinking I went to the same Dr I see now. She is fully aware of my alcoholism. I asked if taking this drug would cause problems for me. She asserted NO.
This is how I tried to quit drinking. Went to the Dr. asked for help. First Campral. Then Antabuse. Sedatives. AA meetings. Therapists. I did all of this over the course of two years. I did everything but quit. This is why I am calling it a game.
In the end when I finally quit drinking it was me , a bathrobe, and this place.
So I look at my nicotine addiction and it looks like I have a pattern here.
I am curious if anyone here has tried Chantix? I have had the box on my table for 3 days now. I am scared of it. I am scared of suffering too.
But the truth is that I am not going to get better if I keep up my addiction. I imagine dying from this.
Cowards game.