When we learn from the past, we can take the lessons forward with us as we move ahead.
It took me forever to get a solid grip on recovery. Like Dolly, for me it took meetings and finding a good sponsor to guide me through the steps. The meetings were my support base, my sponsor was my mentor and the steps built a solid foundation for my recovery. I use various steps daily in my life, for all situations. Once a year I make a commitment to work through all 12 steps once again. Each time it is different because each year "I" am different, so I continue to grow as I go.
Sure it was easier to do "my" recovery program when my son was doing well in his. The true test was when times got tough and I had to rely on my program to maintain my sanity.
You are going through rough times right now, LMN, don't be too hard on yourself because I see growth and wisdom that will light your path as you go. Lean on the program, go to meetings and find a sponsor and work the steps. I promise you that it will bring you something that you never thought possible...serenity and peace...no matter what is happening in your life. I promise because the program promises too.
Hugs