PohsFriend

So I have a theory..l. Ok lots of theories.
But this one may be something.

Sometimes we look at someone whimpering over a broken fingernail and it's nauseating.

I think if you put 100 people in a room who are all experiencing the greatest stress of their life they will all be reacting the same physiologically. For me it was hearing I had a few months before cancer was going to kill me off (thank you, Lord, for the issues with authority thou hath bestowed upon me, I didn't listen). For some it's a breakup, for Taylor Swift it might be that she smiled at a boy who didn't smile back (album will be out a week later). Actually cancer was 4 or 5, all this self examination crap has opened some doors and flipped over some rocks I shoulda let be. Maybe that's why I looked at the dimwit doc and laughed that I'd be at his funeral.

But it's the same reaction and it's incapacitating for a time.

Our bar gets higher with time and we learn to cope and move on. I think watching Poh come close to dying was near my bar because my coping skills didn't work... But maybe I'm adjusting and accepting and coping a little more quickly because I've been blessed with enough "opportunities for growth". Lol.

I have a point here somewhere... I think it's that we tend to believe another person is in less pain, especially if they caused ours... Assuming theirs is just as great might be more accurate and is likely more conducive to finding the empathy we need sometimes.

I had a why me (rhymes with whiny) moment where I got mad at myself and thought "why not you a$$hole - you're equipped to handle this.... Quit bitching".

A friend here cringed a little when I cracked a joke about some old scars but I am appreciative (not thankful) for the things I'd rather forget because it makes it easy to believe that I've seen worse and my best times have come on the heels of the worst. Growing sucks, it really hurts but comfort and winning never taught me much, getting my ass kicked has.

Yikes, this is coming off wrong... Point is that if you are here and reading and venting and coping then that sharp pain is on its way to being a dull ache which turns into wisdom. Maybe the next crises would have taken your knees out if not for what's happening now, maybe instead of taking your knees out it will be a mild annoyance.

Just hate seeing anyone in that state of despair... Maybe the answer to "why me" is that I need to learn something today in order to handle something else later, or help a friend through it...

No idea if that makes sense. Grateful to have friends to kick it around with.

When life is kicking your ass just don't join in... Your picking up new tools and doing the best you can with the ones you have until you learn to use them. If that makes sense... It's a lot easier to forgive and feel sadness rather than anger toward that addict... Then pray they find and use the tools.