Originally Posted by
Recovering2 
While I respect that you're trying to arrange time for your SD to see her AM, it doens't sound like your SD's feelings are being respected. She's 14, old enough to have a say. She is telling you she was embarrassed at her school, she is trying to distance herself but AM keeps getting invited back into her life.
I understand your motives, and they are good. But I think if she keeps getting pushed, she's going to push back. She needs to feel safe in your home. So if she needs to set some boundaries for herself, I would give her that respect. I would also get her to Alateen.
Thank you, I see what you're saying. However, SD has said she would prefer to see her mum with us there, for the moment anyway. The last time she spent time with mum on her own, back last September, it was a disaster and led to her not speaking to her mum for two months (which was fine and respected), and then mum made sure we found out that she'd been diagnosed with ALD and had been told she only had a year to live unless she quit drinking, which at the time we thought could be emotional blackmail as she'd used cancer previously to get SD speaking to her again. SD said at the time that she wanted to see her mum but that she was worried about seeing her on her own, hence our intervention, something we'd not done before. I can understand wholly why SD is embarassed of her mum, but we did ask her before Parents Evening if she was sure she wanted her mum to come, which she said she did. So, we are being guided by SD - if she turned around tomorrow and said she didn't want to see mum again then that would be it. Equally, if she said she wanted to see mum on her own, that would be organised. We have to go with what she wants, but at the same time realise that this is all so difficult, for all of us, which is why we're wondering if we are in fact doing the right thing. It's very very difficult, and I guess we can't expect SD to just sail through this, however the situation is. But, as the adults in her life being guided by her, it sometimes feels like it's all wrong. I hope that makes sense?
As for Alateen, there is no Alateen in our area. Sadly. We took her to Al-Anon, which she was okay with but it wasn't really suitable for her and she didn't want to go again, which was fair enough.