Originally Posted by GerandTwine

When I made my Big Plan, the debate about "to drink or not to drink" wasn't intensified, it was over. It was before I made the Big Plan that the debate went on and on. But the Beast didn't give up so easily. My AV then tried questioning my Big Plan, but since the Big Plan is so profoundly simple, it didn't have much to go on in that area, other than "You've said that before."

It was trying to take advantage of my past ambivalence - those years of knowing I should probably quit, tried quitting off and on, and tried to hide my drinking from others. I knew the difference this time, though, and AVRT clearly exposes all the Beast static.

As to the big WHY? Why did I keep drinking when it cost so much to me in so many ways. Well, there is a very short and quick rational line of reasoning to figuring it out. I drank alcohol to experience the effect that alcohol had on my mind and body. And I agree with AVRT on what to call that effect - DEEEEEP Pleasure!!

Why did I almost always drink more than I originally planned? Because the ME that made that plan to drink just one six pack of tall ones had "left the building" by the time the contents of the fourth and fifth can was in my body. Drinking myself into a "MIND ALTERED STATE" absented ME from the known universe - until I sobered up again. By chemically stupefying myself I had completely lost the original reasoning. "Oh my GOD, I LOVE this. Why on earth did I buy just one six pack? Screw that !! I'm going out to get some more! Yeah, I can manage. I'm no dummy. Just gotta be careful. Wow. Of course I can act straight while I'm feeling this fantastic GLOW, mmmMMMMMmm! OK, gonna get my coat......."