DDearDK,
Aww sweetie im so sorry your hurting, it wont last forever it just feels that way and as yoy said "you will get out of this funk adventually"! That's right feel what your feeling and let it go! At least in my opinion and what I learn and heard shared many times!
One thing I STRONGLY recommend/suggest is now would be as good a time as any if not the best time for you to find some recovery! Hunny whenwe live with anothers active addictions we are affected too! Like right now! This is not "normal" healthy living! Its what happens to us and we don't even know it, and if you grew up in or around alcoholic people or addicted people loved ones, it could be that you need more help than he does! Not to freak you out or scare you or insult you in any way shape or form! Just sharing my experience in my recovery journey! Oh how I wish I could take every young mother and share with them all I have discovered during this process! Oh the heartache and pain that could be so much less! The trials and hurt the kids go through they could be spared, some are effected so deeply there are life long scares and increased chances of their children repeating what they were exposed to their whole life! RECOVERY is life or death for both addicts and codependenrs IMO! We don't know how to do anything different, we don't have the tools, the knowledge, courage, wisdom we need to change our lifes! We need to heal and nurture ourselfs, first find out who we are so we can do that! We get sooo hooked and enmeshed with our partners we loose us or what little bit of us we had to start for some of us!
I know this is alot to take in but I promise you on everything I love there is hope! Hope for you, your love your one year old! Oh babygirl don't you see it has to start with YOU! Your choice of Your will or Gods will!? That was/ is soooo hard to let go and trust God! But we have to in order to maintain our sainty and serenity! But the more I do it the less difficult it gets! So all of this to say please give yourself the gift of a lifetime your recovery! Get to a al anon or nar anon mtg! They are all over all different times! Give it several mtgs before you decide if its right for you!
Your love is doing what he has to what he needs to! He needs to focous 110% the first year on his recovery! You can hope this sticks for him but know too relapses happen and that's just part of recovery for them and us!
Really sweetie you should feel very greatful right now, I would give my left toe if my ex were to be where your love is! I would not really give a toe, but that's how much I want that for him! His life and his choices not to... I can accept it and live and let live or I can stay stuck in my hopes and "my' truths not the truth! I want our familt too and I want the man I feel in love with back, my kids to not be fatherless!
but ya know what I can't change none of that! Damn..... But I can change how I deal with it... by taking care of me, spiritually emotionally and mentally taking care of my sons....
Don't get me wrong I love my kids father and still hope he finds recovery and we can be a family, however while he lives a totally different lifestyle active addiction, I don't and don't want any part of it. I wont love him to death, watch him kill himself help him by enabling him. Its madness and chaos and I choose to be no contact because I wanted to protect myself... I was not strong enough to not get sucked into his "world" because I was so hooked to him and love him with a ll my heart! I had to distance myself for me, so I could get clairty, and understanding for my life. And hear Gods will for my life!
And it worked! When I detached from him lovingly, was not angry or mad just needed distance, emotional, physical distance! And sought Gods will for my life and finally I heard God tell me even if he Got himself into recovery tomorrow, it would be at least a year before he would be anywhere near ready to have a telationship...... okayyy! I heard that.... so what the hell am I doing waiting around hoping everyday and crying and waisting living my life waiting for him!???? Makes no sense! In the mean time I keep living and focus on me! If he ever does get recovery and we end up together I will be healthy have been working my recovery and it could work, we sure would be in a much healthier place and I would not create a unhealthy environment and bring my toxicness to it and contaminate things!
Wow sorry just wanted to share all that with you! You remind me of me a few years back! But your way younger and so is your child and you love is in recovery... your in a much better place than I was... you are blessed and I don't know if you know this? You hav4 sooo much to be greatful for! We all do just can't see it at times!
Get your booty to a meeting! A few and let me know what ya thought!? Give a few different ons a try see if you find one that really speaks to ya and you can connect with!
No contact is for you, your choice! I say if your going to jepordize his recovery by interfering with his recovery maybe he should go no contact!!!!???? Hmmmmm something to think about?! Put yourself I his shoes and look at it from his perspective. If he is getting better and you don't?
I say all this in love and wish and hope nothing but goodness and Gods best for you and yours!