Originally Posted by
dk914 
So my ex decided he no longer wants to be with me. He doesn't know what he wants. He needs to focus on his recovery and get better. We have a one year old son together and he still wants to be in his life and see him every weekend. This break up is very hard on me and I have been so down and depressed lately. I keep reading about this No Contact rule but my situation makes it hard. He is living in a recovery house and does not have a car. So when he wants to see the baby, he comes to us or we go out somewhere as a family. we get along great during these times but I can't help but want something more. I want him to stay longer and hang out with me. I miss him, I miss us. I know I will eventually gt out of this funk that i am in but i can't stop crying and wishing things were different. I wanted nothing more than to be a family and us be happy. I hate addiction and what it has done to me and my family! After all i had been put through, especially this past year am I crazy for still wanting something with him? I guess I just keep holding onto hope that he will change and kick his habit for good. The one thing that helps though is reading all the posts on this forum. I also read Codependent NO More and that made me see things a littl emore clearly.
I see you're new to us, so welcome.
Breakups suck, even if addiction isn't in the picture. But whether you see it or not, you have a chance to do some work on yourself. At this moment in time, your ex can't be what you want to him to be and he can't love you in the way you want, or deserve, to be loved because he's very, very sick. Maybe one day he will, but you can't count on that. Right now, if he's truly, truly serious about recovery, that's going to be his full time job. If you love him -- and I mean really, really love him -- you'll stand aside and allow him the space to get better.
As for you, this will sting for a while. I strongly encourage you to find an Al Anon and/or Nar Anon meeting local to you. Go in with your eyes and ears open, because those programs aren't about him. They're about you and what you need to do to be healthier. Coming here and finding us is a good start, too. Read as many of the pertinent sticky notes as you can, especially "What Addicts Do". When you get enough posts under your belt, you can PM other members and pick their brains as to how they've gotten through similar times.
Take care, and let us know how you're doing.
ZoSo