Good Morning SR peeps!
My sons are teens and for anyone who is unfamiliar with my journey, their father is an addict. He is not in their life, his choice. My boys are at that age where they are "testing" the water, what age is that? Lol seems like they do it through out their whole lifes on some level. Anyway this is a "im a man" test! Whoa! My youngest is my biggest challenge he is almost 15. Oldest will be 18 this fall.
There was a situation of challenging me and what I asked my youngest to do. He flat out told me "No" and refused to do a few simple chores. I told him he could go to his room and do nothing if he chose to "do nothing" he went and stood in the doorway. Refused to go into the room and stated "he was in his room". Then left the room and went and sat on the couch, hands in pockets and halfway laying off the couch. I've been sick for over a week and just got some medicine. One thing lead to another and he swung at me which was my breaking point. After him verbally disrespecting this past week when I was sick and telling him to stop and he refused it was the straw that broke the camels back. I went into a fight or flight mode and we ended up in a tussle! Literally wrestling to the ground! What the heck!
After I let him up he swung or swatted at me again when I had my finger pointing at him and telling him that was completely unacceptable. I walked away and said I can't do this I can't live like this you can go stay with your dad. He said fine take me there. So I called in a moment of despair and so much anger! Of course he did not answer but called back.
I have been "no contact" for a month and broke it! I went to the hardware store for a loaf of bread! My son took off walking and I went to my room and sobbed and sobbed! My kids father of course used me breaking contact with him as his excuse of why he has not called his sons! Not surprised! Both the boys have cell phones and he has their number! I told ex no excuse no justification for not calling them just im not talking to you! Blah blah blah!
My son came home after 10 min and went down to the "man cave" and fell asleep on the couch! We have not talked yet! I told my ex I probably should not have called and I can't make you be a father to them if you don't want to. This summer when we tried to work out our relationship I saw a huge break through in my son. His dad was really trying and was so good with him and we as a team were able to stay strong and be a united force consistany for weeks with our son and saw big changes in him! It was awesome! I tried for three years prior to this and was unable to reach him until his dad came back into his life. Argggggg
He his a good kid and a kind hearted boy and when he got to middle school he fell apart! His straight As went to b c d and e! He went to counseling and had the assistant principal take him under his wing....
I can't fix his broken heart and anger. And I can't teach him the "manly" things he longs for! I know he misses his dad and is really sad about his fathers choices. I know he is at a difficult age too. So now what!
I talk to him about what I learn in al anon and about the three c's! And much more! I invite himnto go to mtgs with me he wont. Im going to try to get him to go to church with me today! And check into counseling again!
I opened pandoras box with reaching out to ex in a desperate cry for help! What was I thinking? I was not! I guess I thought my ex would find one shred of care in him to be there for his son. Or realize and remember the difference he saw in his son when he made a commitment to him this summer. And the satisfaction my ex had in his parenting skills! God I hate what addiction does to people!
So when my ex startts calling if he does what do I do? Ignore him? I need to really take a look at this! I feel torn about calling opening the door then slamming it shut again! But that's what he does! I told him I stopped contact for me! So I would not be sucked in! There was no point in us carrying on when we both want and need different things. And have different life styles.
Sorry this is so long and my thoughts are all over the place! I need to do some serious pryaing and meditation! Thanks for letting me share! Any thoughts or experiences would be most appreciated thanks!