It took me a long time to accept the fact I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't accept the facts of what he was.
Once I did that (after NUMEROUS letdowns from him) I found my self a good therapist and am now in my 2nd month of NO CONTACT whatsoever. When I tried NC before, I would always cave and send a message about anything just to get that sick pleasure/euphoria of hearing something/anything from him.
I think what really pushed me into finally accepting that he is not going to change was the conversation I had with his mom-she told me he is not capable of loving anyone-and even the love he felt for her was obligatory love....
She also told me to go find someone who could really be capable of a relationship-he was not. If I didn't believe what his own mother was telling me, then what/who should I believe??
It is up to us what we choose to accept-I finally got tired of accepting to be his doormat, and accepted the fact that he is ABSOLUTELY TOXIC TO ME.
I hope this makes sense.....