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Old 01-11-2013, 08:13 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
RobbyRobot
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine View Post
Hi RR,

While you and I presently have quite different recovery program involvement, I think we both can be considered "old timers" with our combined abstinence of over 63 years.
Yeah, I'm on board with all that too. We are quite different, lol.

Originally Posted by GT
Over the recent years, I have occasionally tested my Beast by making scotch-on-the-rocks; to hear the golden liquor pour out of the fancy bottle, listen to the ice crackle, then feel the cold glass in my hand and lift it up to my nose and deeply smell it. That's the closest I can get to resurrecting my Beast, yet still, I'm unable to recall the pleasurable sensation. Could I handle it if I tried drinking again? It's a meaningless question because I took the choice away from myself many years ago. So, I know my alcohol/drug Beast is less than an old withered up appendix, and even in those extreme tests, I can just barely hear it or feel it any more.
Yeah, I agree with you. Its a meaningless question, and yet you still ask it of yourself? This asking, to me, creates AV because within the question is some possible doubt of the outcome. This possible doubt creates AV. Puposely creating AV has mixed results, eventually, is my experience. I'm not into doing that anymore.

What if you couldn't handle it? Even though you can effectively deal with the AV created, the doubt still must be resolved, the AV dimissed, and all the while your Beast got a little taste of meat there, imo. Feeding the Beast is what it is, I suppose. Mine is starved, and I prefer to not play selfish games with outcomes that I already know of the said outcome, before my needless manufacturing of new doubt.

I have in my sober time tested myself in various ways so as to shake out any deeper hidden AV. You know, looking for possible as yet undisclosed doubts and hidden agenda which might be important for me to be aware of so as to be on my toes so to speak in whatever situations I can imagine as practical future situations I may find myself experiencing. There is nothing left to much test against for me anymore. My 31 yrs of unbroken abstinence ongoing is more then half my life. It's all good now, lol. I've recovered already.

I do not though, directly test myself to see if I can recall or otherwise experience pleasure by way of holding a drink in my hands for the express purpose of trying to bring out my Beast. Having a drink in my hands wouldn't mean anything one way or the other. Purposely trying to prove something to myself about that drink in my hand would be just vanity at its worse for me.

I haven't forgotten about when my life was being threatend with alcohol. And I never will. And I won't ever change my mind. I'm all stocked up on been there and done that with alcoholic pleasures.

Originally Posted by GT
Well, I'm guessing there's a good chance you also cannot recall that long lost sensation of pleasure from being under the influence. I believe you have effectively had a Big Plan in place for quite a long time, too. So, I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest, after reading your posts over the last year, that you also have a hard time finding any real Beast activity in yourself.
Well, you got me wrong. Like I'm saying, I can easily remember not only the pleasure I received but also the consequences of the pleasure morphing against me into an extreme experience of decidely displeasure. I absolutely remember where I have been relative to my drinking days, when contemplating how I felt during those drinking experiences. I quit drinking not because it felt good, lol. I quit drinking because I was dying from the inside out. This did not feel good, this dying thing while drinking, or while I pretended to be managing my drinking, or when I would swear off drinking, delude myself into forgetting I was feeling like death warmed over, and return to drinking, looking to see if I could feel good about drinking again. I have no future which includes drinking, so the pleasure for me is as good as the last time(s) I had a drink, and believe me, it sure as hell didn't feel good.

Originally Posted by GT
In a nutshell, then, I'm not interested in trying to detect an AV in your posts for the simple reason that, like me, I don't think you have one of any significance.

Well, when I now say that I WILL bother to reply to what I see in your (or anyone's) posts as not accurate AVRT concepts, I'm not saying it to antagonize you or anyone personally. I'm doing it because I believe I have a sound understanding of the *art* of AVRT; I believe it is an iron-clad method of self-recovery as it has been carefully developed by Jack Trimpey; and I choose to discuss and debate its concepts freely here to provide more AVRT material for others to utilize immediately and later through the archives.

With all that said, with my 200 plus posts over one year, I try to be realistic about how much I can really do in the broad scheme of things.

GT
Well, you do what ever works for you. It won't make a bit of difference to me, now that I've re-positioned myself to understand where you are coming from, GT. I'm interested in what you post of course, I'm not interested in your comparative analysis of my AVRT. My practice of AVRT is also an expression of myself, and since you don't actually seriously get who I am, where I've come from, and where I'm going, there is not much of value being offered to me to be honest. I'm not just anybody. And I'm certainly not your student. I'm me. Yeah, baby.

Feel free though to use me (or anyone else) as an example of what not to do with AVRT if you think, feel and conclude that while doing so, such behaviors from you are helpful to yourself, and others. No problemo. Have at it. While you're busy doing all that, I'll be busy doing something else.

I like to walk around in a persons shoes as much as I can imagine before I do whatever with them. I like to be in agreement with them that we have some level of human relationship, and I like to be of service towards that end. No matter how a person makes their way into recovery, and keeps themselves recovered, its not my business to correct them like I'm marking their term papers, lol. I know alot of stuff in my 55 yrs. Doesn't mean everybody and anybody wants to hear it, lol. I always think of persons listening to me on whatever level they may choose to participate, as an enjoyed privilege for me, that they have extended to me, no less.


See ya later, GT.

:ghug3
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