I'm so sorry you are dealing with it. I understand exactly what you are going through and how it feels. I myself, was dealing with my own alcohol recovery while at the same time dealing with a defiant teenage daughter who attempted suicide every other month, talked to me like I was poo on her shoe, was in the county mental health system, taking multiple medications prescribed by a psychiatrist, many of which were being taken to counteract the effects of the others. No wonder I drank!
It's so hard when our own children seem so lost and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do to help. I hope this is just a phase your 14 year old son is going through. It's almost like one night our sweet child goes to bed and when they wake up the next morning, they have morphed into some unknown monster who wreaks havoc in our lives for years. Then, some years later, that monster goes to bed and wakes up again as our sweet child.
Hang in there and maybe get some kind of face-to-face support, if you can. It really helps to have someone to talk to who can maybe help us navigate that long and winding road. My thoughts are with you and PM me if you think I might be of help. ((((HUGS))))