Originally Posted by
allforcnm 
Welcome Chloe,
Wanted to say hello,seems like we share a similar situation unfortunately. My husband also got hooked on pain meds. He is 10 months clean now, and has been using individual counseling for treatment. (He did go to a non-12 step inpatient rehab for a few months, but it was also based on individual therapy). We do marriage counseling also,and I have been doing individual therapy; never tried narc-anon meetings either. Our son just recently turned the big "1”
I am glad things have improved for you since October. I have found that it does get easier as time passes. But still I get scared sometimes, and I wish I could protect my husband. Like you I have learned that he has to take responsibility for his health and be the one to stay away from the drugs. It also helped me to realize I don’t want to have a controlling type of relationship with him. I want us to be partners, and we have to respect and trust each other in order to do that. Rebuilding trust takes time when you have been on a rollercoaster but it can happen again I think if both people work at it.
I try also to keep in mind that within our relationship if I focus too much on the addiction stuff; worry, control, it throws the whole relationship out of balance. I have to let him become an equal partner again within my mind, so we can continue to move forward, and appreciate all the more enjoyable aspects of our relationship together.
Sounds like you have great support, and family. How is the situation with his brother now?
Things are NOT GOOD with his brother. His brother is a full blown addict of everything and anything he can get. He went to rehab for a week in December and came home. He is an alcoholic, heroin addict and is causing such chaos. His parents ( my in laws) are at odds as to what to do- kicking him out seems to be their only option.
Our situations sounds similar and I am glad to hear your story. I am at that point of trying to let go of control and realizing that I don't have any control that I think I even have. I do have "control" of our finances. I had to open a separate bank account over the summer when things were very bad. I don't like it but its how it has to be and he willingly does not want access to money because he just does not trust himself.
What type of things are you doing to move forward? Im sure you feel like me- where everything else was taken away in our marriage and the addiction has become the one and only thing. So we are trying to just live and go on dates and not talk about the addiction at all, other than in counseling or if he needs to talk about something. Its hard. I get angry about it sometimes and want to fight. But I know thats not good.