Thank you all for the honest feedback. No Contact would be well suited. At this point, my obsession, control and rejection says that I want her back no matter what. I think I am hurting so bad I haven't really considered the true feelings and resentments that would come out if she DID come back. It is insane, I know.
I never though I had self-esteem issues, but perhaps it is time to reconsider...
Regarding the parent/child relationship - yup. That has been pointed out by her therapist. Ironically, all of her drinking occurred when I was out of town on business (frequent).
Choublak - when exAG moved out she started having an affair with old high school boyfriend who's wife left him last year. Their divorce is not finalized, and now wife reappeared wanting to work at reconciliation. (Even families without alcoholics have these issues
)