So, the problems are all because of you and she has taken no accountability in her contributions (negative ones) to the relationship? Yep, that sounds like an A.
Yes, you may have your own issues and problems (we all do), but she also needs to take some repsonsibility for hers if it is to be a 'partnership'. Blameshifting - a prominent Alkie tactic.
Have you considered going "No Contact" for awhile? I think you each need to work on your own issues. And she had an affair and you are okay with taking her back?
As a post from yesterday goes - there's an old saying., "If you love something, set it free." If it doesn't work out, then it was never meant to be. Forcing her into a relationship is doing neither of you any good.
Take care of getting YOU healthy and in a good mindset, and let her take care of herself.
More will be revealed. Stop obsessing.