Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I was talking to my mom the other day and she keeps reminding me that he is ill and that she sees a mentally ill person who is not normal and that I obviously have not accepted that fact. I told her that what befuddles me is that he does act normal at times and it sets me back into thinking that, "ok, he's normal again. Whew, glad all that alcoholism stuff and other personality disordered stuff is over." It's like I have selective memory and I 'forget' the bad times once he starts acting GOOD for a few weeks. I let my guard down, we start communicating better, and then WHAM I'm hit by another round of craziness and wonder where it came from.
If you get to a point where you have experienced a great deal of good and then "forget" about the bad, are you truly aware of the nature of the situation?
For me personally, I am giving myself A LOT of time in the awareness part of the three As. It seems like I learn something new about myself every day. It is hard to become fully aware of myself, let alone another person!
I have that "whew, glad that's over" tendency when it comes to myself. Sometimes I will have periods in recovery, where I am so good and so aware and so awesome at making the right decisions for myself. Then I will have a hard time, a really hard time. When I seem to forget about the progress I have made as I struggle with something else.
Now, when I have a good period (like the one I am experiencing right now) I am aware that eventually, I will struggle again. It is normal and human to struggle with my defects and shortcomings. I can be human. I don't have to be perfect. And when I am in my "bad" period, struggling with something, I can look back at the good moments and have hope.
Just like with anything else, I do not believe the 3 As are a straight line. Like the grief cycle, it fluctuations. Awareness today, Acceptance tomorrow...Denial...then back to Awareness. Action here and there.
And you know what? That's human. We fluctuate.
Love,
Lily