amandy

Hi all -

I woke up today and told myself finally that I need to control my problem. I've never talked to anyone about it... I've been drinking very heavily for the last 2-3 years, I am 26. It started when a boyfriend and I were breaking up. I was a bartender at that point. I started drinking there every night, getting more friendly with customers, getting too comfortable with a few men, ignoring my responsibilities. Then when I actually moved out, I lost my house, my son was only with me half time, lost my job, lost it all. I would drink a bottle of vodka a night.

Then I met the greatest guy.. We've been together for about 2 1/2 years and I couldn't be happier. But since then, I have this need to drink every night and its just out of control. I am a socially shy, awkward person. I am hard on myself alot at times because I'm not creative, I'm not funny often, I'm not strong willed and confident.. And I get those things when I drink...

But, now its to a point where I drink every time before sex because of the confidence and I fear that is hurting my relationship. I'm drinking to get drunk. Really drunk. I'm back to anywhere from a 1/4 to 1/2 bottle of sailor a night. I can't remember certain details of my nights sometimes, I've gained 20 lbs..

I'm basically tired of leaning on alcohol to get the confidence in myself that I SHOULD be able to get sober. I can feel it running me. I need it because I love the way it feels.

And for someone with such low self confidence, you ever wonder why alcohol makes you feel so good at the moment and the next day all you can think is what a f***g idiot I was? Thats me quite often.

Where do you start?