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Old 01-08-2013, 07:43 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
freshstart57
Self recovered Self discovered
 
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
My BP is simply a tool used to discriminate what is and what isn't Addictive Voice. My BP exists for that sole reason. Its like a light switch in a room of darkness, which when tripped, illuminates otherwise hidden AV.

In fact, for me, any other use of my BP other than an AVRT technique speaks more to me as subjective ego dynamics in play than not.
My experience agrees with this 100%. Well, actually, it agrees with the first half 100%.

My Big Plan exposes my urges to drink for what they are - my addiction attempting to assert my base instincts and desires to experience that mind numbing buzz. It turns a bright light on my parasitic desire for alcohol, and lets me recognize any thought about drinking now or in the future, or any doubt in my success, as AV.

For me, sobriety required a belief in myself, a fully realized knowledge that I could quit and stay quit. Without that confidence, my chances of success were slim. I understood that my Big Plan had to be a solemn, sincere and fully fleshed commitment to that confidence. A vow. A promise.

A Big Plan that says I am going to pretend to swear off drinking so that I can recognize thoughts that will lead me to drink, but not actually swear off the drink because I might fail by violating my commitment, is so much AV.

I chose to make drinking a moral issue for me some time ago (drinking --->impaired driving --->tragedy and death of someone's child) and that conflation, while not rigorously compelling, withers in front of my revulsion at that possibility and my sense of self. Ego is what allows me to refuse that eventuality. Ego is precisely the force I have identified as the one that supports my confidence in my ability to succeed. Ego is subjective by definition and realization, and its dynamism is my belief in myself.

I guess my understanding (which is mine) of AVRT is a simple one, it doesn't require nor does it admit these mental gymnastics. My BP lets me recognize the thoughts supported by my beast, and it does so simply because it really is an irrevocable choice. A commitment. I quit, and I mean it.
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