Welcome Drunkardson -
They say alcoholism is a "disease of denial" and it's so true. I justified, minimized, rationalized, and romanticized, too..... always thinking that "next time" would be different. It never was.
I don't think any of us can quit on our own. I read a LOT of posts here before I had enough hope to start dealing with my denial and get busy getting sober. Glad you're here - I never thought I'd say this, but there really is life after drinking!