Drunkardson

I drink every day now, except for the days I tell myself that I'm quitting. My daily drinking started over a year ago.

I tried to quit three days ago but woke up with a hangover today.

My alcohol induced actions nearly lost the girl of my dreams. Thankfully we made it through but, odds are, if I don't stop drinking something else will happen.

I lie about how much I drink. I deceive. I am a master rationalizer. It is likely that I will lie on this site, even though it offers complete anonymity.

I drink more than I plan to, if I ever even have a plan.

Since I don't have withdrawal symptoms, I convince myself that my drinking is not that big of a deal.

My father was a lifelong alcoholic. He died of liver cancer last year at 57. I am 25.

I romanticize drinking as part of a writer's life, often associating it with my dream of being an author. Another excuse to drink.

I want to quit but I fear that I cannot, or, that I need to hit some kind of 'rock bottom' before my problem becomes real to me.

So, this is where I'm at in my life. I've browsed this forum before. Lot of good people here. I know what I need to do, I think. I don't even know why I posted this or what I'm looking for. Maybe to join a community? Maybe for advice? Shoulders to cry on? Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.