I'm getting bogged down in semantics and metaphysical notions of free-will and everything here!!
yes YES, i spent years there, bogged down. until i could see that commitments were useless. until i could accept that. which i could only do after really looking at my repeated decisions to quit and my repeated inability to stick to that decision. those decisions and commitments to them were always genuine and authentic, but they didn't do the trick, so to speak. no matter how determined, decided and committed, i drank again.
RobbyRobot, thanks for your explanatory view of the difference between a Big Plan and Commitment. i've not really been involved with AVRT, and always thought they were the same. you've shown me a different view.
NAT34, when i first got sober, first few weeks, it was really helpful to me to separate "the voice" out from "me", or to split the "wannawannagottagetdrunk" off from "me", but i never really did or could experience that as not me; there is only one me, and not even with distinct parts.
so yeah, it was a bit of a tool, and helpful in that it allowed me the space to sit with it and see what, if anything, was behind the desire to drink at that moment. what was going on with me and how best could i handle THAT.
nonetheless, i got sober and have been for a few years.
not trying to discourage you from making a big plan or a commitment, just to say what really helped me was to see that all my committed commitments hadn't resulted in sobriety.