Anger
was the topic at my meeting today.
It's stuck with me all day. Because I don't express anger in my everyday life. I don't yell (I never did); I don't throw things or call people names or burst out of a room and slam doors.
But I'm angry.
And I think I've expressed a lot of anger HERE. And I want to find other ways of handling my anger.
Someone said that anger is just a shortcut go-to emotion when you're too lazy to figure out what you're really feeling. That rings true for me. When I'm angry at my neighbors for having a late party, I'm really not angry at them for having a late party -- I fear that because I can't sleep, it will affect my work performance in the morning, or I won't have the energy to deal with my kids. When I'm angry at AXH for drinking when the kids are in his care, I AM angry at him -- but the feeling at the bottom of it is concern for my kids' safety. If I could take a breath and a step back and actually ask myself "what am I feeling? what am I needing?" I would probably learn a whole lot more about myself than when I go on a rant about how somebody else's behavior is affecting me (here or in my head).
I think I've come here a lot and expressed anger and disdain about addicts in general and my AXH in particular. And that's not very conducive to healing and growth.
So there you have it. I just needed to share that.