Hi Crazed,
The alcoholic in my life is my sister, but I relate to the guilt thing. For the longest time, I would listen to my sister say that she drank because of me and everyone/everthing else around her and I would believe her, and I would feel guilty. Guilty that I have a good husband/career/life and her life is in shambles. Guilty when I would go NC because of her increasingly self-destructive and crazy behavior. But I started to let go of the guilt when I began focusing on myself and my expectations for our relationship. Was I the cause of her drinking? No. Could I control it and make her stop? Nope. Was I happy with putting up with her self-destructive and unpredictable behavior and the effect it was having on my own happiness, peace, and serenity? No way. I'm not saying its easy--it isn't--but I guess what I'm saying is that we all have choices, just as the alcoholic has a choice whether or not to drink. My sister chooses to live her life the way she wishes, and that's up to her. But I can choose to not deal with her madness, and I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to live the best life for me regardless of what she does with hers. Personal boundaries help me--deciding what behavior I'm willing to deal with, and which behaviors I'm not willing to go along with. For me, my sister is so lost to the disease that I have minimal contact with her. I don't want to or have to take the abuse she dishes out to people when she drinks. And my life is far more peaceful as a result.