Married33

I really needed to read your post tonight. Our stories are so similar. I've been married to an A for 33 years, too! One adult child is still living at home; however, we do have a 9 year old, too. Your reasons for staying WERE my reasons for staying until I had a revelation a few weeks ago. Decided to leave because my AH is drinking (and verbally abusive when he does), passed out or not home. What kind of life if that for anyone? This is all I know but I want to know MORE. It's been a roller coaster ride for most of our married life. Drinking, quitting, drinking, quitting . . . Funny, I always sought professional help through the years, and he encouraged it! He didn't need the help in his opinion - I did! I can't remember a Christmas that he didn't pass out. I can't remember if he ever kissed me at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve! His drinking has always taken a front seat to me and our kids, our friends, family and church. I know I can be happy again. I would rather face the world alone than have to care for a drunk who meets absolutely no needs of mine except a paycheck. I can make my own paycheck. He's a different person today. Not the same man I married. I want to continue to support and encourage him from a distance AFTER I heal. For the first time in our marriage, instead of praying for him to see the light and get help, I gave it to God in prayer a few weeks ago. Many things were revealed to me in such a short time through weekly sermons, through conversations with others, devotional readings and scripture. Coincidence? I don't think so. Once I made the decision and told him, the verbal and emotional abuse was unbearable. It spilled over onto the kids. It validated my decision and gave me strength I never knew I had. The holidays this year were a living nightmare but I persevered knowing it will soon come to an end. The alcoholic is clever and conniving. They know how to throw a wrench in everything. After all the abuse and ruining Christmas, he called me today from work, CRYING!!!! He said he would quit. He promised he would work on our marriage. He said he loves me - haven't heard that in years!!! After his speech, I asked him to get professional help, nicely. I told him I had to continue with my plans but would attend Al Anon. Guess what he said? No. He can do it alone. He's done it before. OH BOY! WRONG! I tried to point out that it obviously didn't work and it's progressed to a point that I don't have a choice anymore. I have to do this for me and for him. Now he wants to sell the house, quit his job and wants me to move anywhere I want to with him to "start over". I'm not falling for it. . . seems like every time I've tried to leave, he has some trick up his sleeve to keep me hanging on. Tonight I say, thank you Jesus for the grace and discernment to see through these broken promises and crazy schemes of his. He has a disease but he's not willing to admit he's powerless. Nothing will change until he can . . . I'm here for you and I know what you're feeling.