...but why do I feel now that if I worked at it in a different way, we'd be together?
And what way would that be? You capitulating 100%, giving him
carte blanche to do whatever he wants? What do you get out of that?
I think one of the hardest things for any of us to accept is there are things that we have no control over. Why do you think that the first three steps are surrendering our will over to the care of a Higher Power? We're powerless over someone else's addiction. But we're not powerless when it comes to our behavior and our choices.
Shortly after Thanksgiving 2011, I think God gave me the spiritual equivalent of a 2x4 upside the head. My boiler died so my house didn't have any heat, and the necessary part for the fix was backordered. I had an allergic reaction to medication, so I ended up in the ER at 1 in the morning. And then as I was going home, my entire neighborhood had lost power due to a car accident. So I get home, lie down, and look up at the ceiling and said,
OK. You win. You've got my attention. From that point on, I accepted that there were just some things I had no control over. That doesn't mean I like it. It just means that, simply, it is what it is.
Happy New Year.