Thanks Z 😺 I also spent last night alone. I was ok with it. It's been 15 days that I kicked my AXBF out of my house. No contact has been made. Yes, I'm starting to reminisce on what good times we had these past 2,5 years...I'm mad at myself for thinking this is all my fault. When I know I wasn't happy. Im not too educated on recovering addicts. He had a major breakdown last October, has was shaking so bad and his blood pressure was very high. When we first met, he told me he was in rehab but he's good now because he takes suboxone. He would buy suboxone off the street. I didn't know what this stuff was but he told me he needed it so he wouldn't crave drugs. I did my research and understood..however, I didn't like him buying it off of the street. Anyway, I don't know the real answer why he was in the hospital for three days...he wouldn't really tell me. But I think it was DTs from alcohol, I heard a doctor say something to that nature. They sent him home on prescribed suboxone, antidepressants, anxiety meds, and blood pressure meds..wow. They told him he needs to make an appt. with a physiatrist. He made three appts., but never went. He promised me he would change after this breakdown. I was so mad that he didn't go. On top of all of those meds, he drinks everyday. I was living by myself even though he was here. It's makes me so sad, mad, hurt...etc...that He would rather compromise our relationship, then get help. I was so worried about his health. It can't be healthily taking all of those meds' plus drink. His behavior became unpredictable. I was worried all of the time about him driving. He has no license due to two DUIs. He promised me when we got out of the hospital he would get a lawyer and get his license back. In January, he rear ended a car and took off. He called me in hysterics, crying uncontrollably, I went to get him. His air bag went off, his truck wasn't drivable. Anyway, he was drinking when it happened. I was so MAD at him. He then again promised me he would quit. Nope. He didn't learn his lesson. I tried to talk to him over and over again how our relationship isn't working well...talk to him about my feelings...we would end up fighting, he would me so mad. Sorry so long...I'm ranting...but why do I feel now that if I worked at it in a different way, we'd be together? Maybe if I didn't yell or argue with him. But then I think a relationship shouldn't be soooo hard to work on. So I'm feeling a little sad right now, feel guilty. I miss his kids and his family. His oldest son texted me last night saying thanks for all I've done for him and his brothers, and he's sorry that his dad and I have our differences, and he wishes me well this year. I got that text this morning and started crying, started feeling like I made the wrong decision...I'm feeling emotionally weak. So I had to post to get some good advise from my friends here.
Happy New Year 🎉