I am inspired by your honesty! I too RELAPSED. I had been doing so well with NC, but he started texting me telling me how much he missed me, and howhe wanted to start fresh with me. He begged for me to take him back. I started responding, and eventually we hung out for a little while. After we hung out, he was more adamant that he wanted to work things out. I started to get sucked in again. We spent a night together and it literally felt like old times. Subsequently, he began to pull away. It was like DE JAVU!
I don't know why I fell for his BS AGAIN. How many times do I have to get hurt before I stop playing with fire? Although I was disappointed that I chose to believe him, I did set some pretty clear boundaries. He wanted to move back in with me and pick up where we left off, but I resisted the urge to dive back in head first. I told him no, and I explained exactly why he couldn't move back in. Even though I wanted to let him come back, I successfully resisted that urge. While I broke my NC, and emotionally invested in him again, I did not allow him to infiltrate my home which has become my safe haven.
We are all human beings and we all make mistakes. Thankfully, my mistake didn't set me that far back. Back to square one, onward and upward.
Blackandblue, take comfort in knowing you are NOT ALONE! Onward and Upward!