B&B,
FOR ME I WANT WHAT I WANTED! IT WAS NOT UNTIL JUST RECENTLY THAT I SURRENDERED TO HIS WILL AND NOT MINE! MY WILL WANTS THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH, THE FATHER OF MY KIDS! HIS WILL IS FOR ME AND OUR KIDS TO BE SAFE, HEALTHY AND LIVING IN LOVE, HONESTY, PEACE AND FOR HIM TO BE CLEAN! WE HAVE CHOICES AND HAVE THE HUMANNESS TO LEARN AND GROW. MISTAKES ARE PART OF THIS PROCESS! WE DON'T GET IT RIGHT ALL THE TIME! I KNOW I DON'T. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!
PICK UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF, FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR BEING HUMAN! YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT! YOU HAVE REAL FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS, WEAKNESS AND STRENGTHS! ITS OKAY! YOUR GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS! THIS TO SHALL PASS! STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP FOR NOT BEING PERFECT! EVERYDAY IS ANOTHER DAY TO TAKE CARE OF US! EVERYDAY IS ANOTHER DAY TO ASK FOR HIS WILL FOR OUR LIFES AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT!
NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU! YOU HAVE TO FIGURE THAT OUT WITH YOUR GOD OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING! YOU TRIPPED/FELL, SO STAND BACK UP AND LOOK FORWARD AND GO IN THE DIRECTION THAT YOU THINK IS FOR YOU! IF WE ARE WALKING DOWN A STREET AND FALL DO WE GET MAD AT OURSELF? DO WE LAY THERE? NO WE GET UP AND BE MINDFUL OF THAT PART OF THE STREET WHERE WE FELL NOT TO WALK ON IT AGAIN! IF WE ARE DARING AND IN DENIAL WE MAY WALK THERE AGAIN AND IF WE FALL AGAIN WELLLLL OUR CHOICE. ADVENTUALLY WE WILL GET TIRED OF FALLING AND HURTING OURSELF. AND REALIZE NO MATTER HOW WE WISH THAT STREET WAS SAFE ITS NOT! LETTING GO OF OUR CONTROL/POWERLESSNESS! WE CAN'T WISH THE STREET SAFEor NOT GETTING HURT IF WE WALK ON IT! UNTIL THE STREET IS FIXED, CONSTRUCTION DONE WE LEARN TO STAY OFF IT!
DEALING WITH ACTIVE ADDICTS NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE CARE AND LOVE THEM THEY ARE NOT EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO GIVE US WHAT WE WANT AND NEED! IT IS HARD AND SAD AND LONELY TO LOVE SOMEONE AND IN OUR HEARTS WE REMEMBER THEM AS THEY ONCE WERE! REALITY IS THEY ARE SOMEONE ELSE NOW! UNTIL THEY CHANGE/RECOVER GET CLEAN AND WORK ON THEM WE ARE IN FOR NOTHING BUT CRUMBS, BEING USED AND MANIPULATED! WE CAN'T BE MAD AT THEM THEY ARE DOING WHAT ACTIVE ADDICTS DO! THEY ARE THE UNSAFE STREET!
ITS UP TO YOU AS YOU KNOW HOW TO FIGURE OUT A DIFFERENT ROUTE FOR YOUR JOURNEY! A SAFER ROUTE! TAKE A BREATH A COUPLE, AND ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU! HE WILL AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! YOU SAID YOU MADE A MISTAKE OKAY AND...... THAT'S PART OF LIFE! NOW FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO FOR YOU NOT TO MAKE IT AGAIN!
ITS AWKWARD DOING THINGS THAT GO AGAINST WHAT'S IN OUR HEARTS. OUR HEADS KNOW BETTER BUT OUR HEARTS CAN DOMINATE OUR THINKING! WE HAVE TO GET THEM BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE! BALANCE! ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT FOR ME! MY HEART STILL LOVES MY EX BUT IT DOES NOT RULE ME! IT TOOK YEARS FOR ME TO GET THAT! CAUSE I WANTED WHAT I WANTED MY WILL/HIM! STILL DO BUT NOW I HAVE THE COURAGE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT EVEN IF I DON'T LIKE IT! ITS A STRUGGLE SOMETIMES! BUT I TAKE IT EASY AND ONE DAY AT A TIME!