Nana,
You can't go to meetings but that does not mean you cannot begin to find some peace. Your feeling of entrapment is a sign that things are not good inside of you.
Admitting you are powerless over him is the first step for a reason. When accomplished it takes a huge weight off of you. There is a step outline sticky at the top of alanon...it is a site that you can go to and print out about 10 pages of reading on the first step. Go to CIR and search "step 1" and there are several posted readings. Better yet I will go over and bring them to the top for you. Search the boards for 1st step postings.
Read this material and journal about it...you can even do that on your computer.
Come back and share what you have learned...there is a step one for a reason. Tell us what jumps out at you...about YOU not him!
Hugs,
JT