Hi andisa,
I have read this and some of your other posts. There are a lot of similarities between my feelings and many of the things in your posts. Unfortunately, I can closely relate to the chicken thread, too.
I don't know if you can relate, but one of my problems is that I think about things too much, and tend to over analyze everything. That, and fear can paralyze me from taking action and trying something new.
I can dwell on all the things I'm not comfortable with in NA, for example, and how I am different from others in the program. But I see people in the rooms who have transformed their lives in a way that is very real. I want some of that, so I will continue to try to progress, at least for now, and make myself do some things that I don't like and make me uncomfortable. I know that what I've been doing in the past isn't working for me. That is clear. And the program is not easy, but it is simple. I make it complicated.
Other examples of things I have a hard time changing include getting out of a job I'm unhappy with, succeeding in relationships, and many more.
I can beat myself up for lack of progress, and regrets, but the program says "Easy does it". I try not to be hard on myself, but it is deep in my nature.
I see a therapist who I like very much. She sounds very different than yours. She suggested that I quit smoking, and I told her that would never happen, that it was completely unimaginable. A few days later, I stopped, and started attending meetings, (and filling my free time doing other healthy things). I went just for something to do and hang out with people who weren't getting high.
I will be thinking about you, and hope you find happiness and peace. There will be ups and downs. I look forward to hearing how you progress through this journey.