zoso77

There is a lot I haven't shared about my Christmas past. And I won't share most of it, because it's deeply personal. But, what I will share is the deal I've cut with myself to get through this Christmas, and my hope is those that read this will draw strength from my experiences and get through Christmas, too.

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Last year was spent with my AXGF, and little did I know in 17 days, she'd pull what she pulled. So as the holidays approached this year, I had to deal with that Ghost of Christmas Past as well as my other Ghosts of Christmases Past. The truth is, I really dislike Christmas. But as the days started getting shorter and colder, I decided that actively disliking Christmas wasn't going to work for me this year. Nor could I escape all my Ghosts; they are part of me. So I cut a new deal for myself.

I decided to give more to charity, and more often. I decided that I was going to be more generous to people in my day to day life. For example, one of the hostesses in the Capital Grille local to me was very, very prompt finding my friend and I a seat at the bar for dinner last week. So I gave her a $10 tip before I left.

I decided that if I was going to spend Christmas Day alone, I'd treat it more like a day off instead of a holiday. So I got a filet mignon from the best butcher around and some slab bacon from tomorrow. I've got a bunch of movies I plan on watching. I'm going to play guitar...a lot.

I'm going to be more thankful for the people in my life and for the things I do have instead of focusing on what I have lost in my past.

Finally, I'm going to think about how 2013 can be better than 2012. There are things in my control that I can improve. 2012 is behind me, and nothing can be changed.

I realize some of us here are going to be going through Hell tomorrow. Maybe it's because we can't allow a child home for Christmas because they've stolen from us. Maybe we've just broken up with someone and our hearts are broken. Maybe someone's addictions are just coming to light, and we're just at the beginning of a long difficult journey. Whatever those reasons are, I empathize with you and I wish I could take that hurt and that pain away. But what I can do is share with you that we can decide, for good or for ill, how any holiday is going to go. My hope for those who are struggling here tonight and tomorrow is to decide you will get through this.

If anyone needs to PM on Christmas, I'll be here.

Merry Christmas,
ZoSo