I now absolutely hate xmas. As a child I loved it and have fond memories of helping my mother with the tree. But after I got married it just became a time of huge disappointment and a time for AH to be really horrid to me. He used to take our kids to his mums and leave me alone at home (by making sure I was not welcome there). Then he would drive them home drunk. Presents would arrive from his mum usually for everyone except me and I just used to feel so hurt.
This will be the first year that I am actually going to have a calm xmas. I refused to put up a tree cos it reminds me of all that stuff. But I am going to spend this xmas with my brother and his family, my dad and my daughter and son in law will come for a day. In other words we'll all be together at some stage apart from STBXAH!
I am still waiting to see what happens because I don't believe nothing horrid will happen.