Hi and welcome K37, finding a place like this is a good start, I've found loads on here that helps. I was reading an interview with Bill Nighy which summed it up for me, Bill describes himself as having been a sober alcoholic for over 10 years (at the time of writing).
"I used to drink and it was terrible and now I don't. It's marvellous when it stops," he says. "It's not like having a drink in a normal way, you are in chemical thrall on a metabolic level."
It's that chemical level that means we can't just have one.