Well.... I don't even don't know where to start. I don't know why I am still sober. I got sober 1 month ago and I am absolutely despondent. My whole life seems to be falling apart. There is literally not one area of my existence that isn't a complete disaster right now. I won't even bother everyone with all the details. It's just more lamenting from some dumb girl no one really knows or cares about. You know what gets me the most? All the people who say they are my friends, the people who say they "care" and the people who I've been there for most of my life just abandon me when I need them or tell me "praying for ya" - I appreciate prayers but I'm in a crisis. I'm jobless, unemployment screwed me completely (trust me I did EVERYTHING I was told to do), my family is falling apart, dad is dying, boyfriend wants me gone, have no home of my own, can't even seem to go through a single day without thinking of dissappearing. I wish I was dead. If this is sobriety than I don't want it anymore. I feel like I was better off messed up. At least it didn't hurt so bad.
I don't know how to cope. I am loosing my ability to trust God or anyone else. I feel like I might have a total nervous break down soon.