((((Liz))))
I'm sorry that you have felt judged. That is not a good way to feel at all - especially from a place like this. I know I've responded to your posts on many occasions, and if you have felt judged by me I apologize and never intended judgement. Normally, I wouldn't have felt the need to write this apology, but I found myself very triggered by a thread a few days back (clearly, I was not alone) and I posted comments that were not helpful, but harsh and judgemental. I should have just put my hands behind my back. I will do my best never to do that again.
I also wanted to echo Mike's comment. (re: when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving) I never thought this fit my situation since it was a threat to my life that ultimately made me leave. But in reality, the pain and fear that threat caused was much greater than the pain of staying. It was not gentle tipping of the scale - it was as if someone dropped a brick on one side. I have moments of seeing that event as a partial blessing because I'm not sure how long I would have continued to stay in that marriage of misery. I knew (really knew) that I wanted out for more than 4 years. I found every possible reason not to make that step.
I hope you either have that moment of clarity that Mike spoke of or a husband who chooses to dedicate himself to recovery so he can, in turn and in time, be genuinely dedicated to you and your son.
Please know this -
You deserve to be happy and treated with respect. And if the time comes when you feel you must go - you CAN do it. You have it in you to be on your own if that is what is best for you.
When I accepted that for myself, my perspective was completely altered and some things I had once valued as important ceased to be - and the things that are really important found their proper place.
As always, I'm rooting for you and I believe in you.
Hugs,
MamaKit