One of the beautiful things about Nar-Anon and Al-Anon is that everyone there should understand what it's like to love or live with an addict. But that doesn't mean that they are perfect people. So when they say "take what you need and leave the rest"--that is a great way to deal with those in the group who may be judging you.
Often.....things come out of people's mouths and they don't have a clue what it actually sounds like to someone else. Perhaps they meant that they aren't strong enough in their program to do that yet or their addicted loved one hasn't pushed them to the point of no contact. Or they simply don't get it.
We each have to do what we have to do for our own sanity. Fooey on anyone who judges you for taking care of yourself......your son will keep doing what he's doing until it stops working for him. You can make it stop working with you.......that is within your power.
Stick around......there's a whole bunch of people here who understand.
gentle hugs
ke