Hey Audrey - happy to share, it's lonely. Many of us 'hide' it from our friends and coworkers so we get that isolation feeling.
There are some books that several folks recommend. Codependent no more seems to be a favorite and apropos. Do you have an iPad or kindle? Might be a good investment for you because you can download books at will? Probably worth a thread somewhere - favorite books and why.
The abuse you mentioned initially is worrisome, you can hang in to see if someone recovers but you really can't hang in if you are in danger.
Hang in there, progress is the goal - not perfection.
Keep coming back and write, it is cathartic... Having to articulate what I am feeling helps me to see things more clearly and you can take the responses that help you and leave the ones that don't. I need to get reality without it crushing my hope.
Glad you are standing up and deciding to change your situation.