redtailgal

Hello All.

This is awkward, so I'll just jump it. I've got to rant, hopefully to someone who will understand WHY I am so angry, WHY I have no sympathy and WHY I feel so utterly helpless.

My little brother (7 years younger and age 32 now) has had a problem with drinking and drug use sine he was in middle school. It wasnt for lack of trying on my mother's part, she begged and pleaded, and tried everything she could to help him, but well, here we are.

He got his first possession charge 10 years ago and his first DUI shortly after. No jail time, lost his licence for a year, cleaned up and did great during his probation. He was abusive (mentally) to his first live-in girl friend and she took their little girl and left when the child was 5 years old.

Then he moved in another girl, and started with cocaine. Not every day, just a "social" user, but managed to quite (I am fairly certain) after a few months of using.

He got this other girl pregnant, they had a little boy 3 1/2 years ago. When the child was 4 months old, brother got another DUI, no jail time, licence revoked, but he was quickly given restricted driving privileges. Then since he was on probation again, he needed to "clean his act up" and kicked the babies mother out of the house (she was also a drug user).

I took the child in at 6 months, because brother lost his job and was about to lose his house. Brother cleaned up again, got off probation, got his liscence back and when my nephew was a year old, he moved back in with his father.

Brother needed money, so he rented out my nephew's room, making my nephew sleep in the couch. Brother had women coming it, a different one each day and by the time the child was 2, brother got another (his third) DUI and had to serve 30 days jailtime. He was working at this point, so he got to do his time on weekends, and during those weekends, the child stayed with me. On the last weekend, brother lost his job, and was again in danger of losing his house, so nephew moved back in with me. This was a year ago.

Brother has been working hard at tricking everyone into thinking he is cleaned up again. He bought a scooter so he could go to work, he started going to Church, he's been a model citizen anytime someone is looking. He even quit smoking (oddly enough, he often smells like smoke though).

Then my mother calls me at 3 am crying hysterically saying my brother had been in an accident and was being airlifted to the state medical hospital. He'd hit a deer, been thrown from his scooter and suffered eight broken ribs, a broken shoulder and a broken leg. He spent 3 days in ICU.

He was drunk when he hit that deer. He's been charged with his FOURTH DUI, a probation violation and we also found out that this "scooter" was higher powered than he was allowed, so he's been charged with operating a vehicle on a revoked licence. During his hospital stay, he told us he would NOT go to jail, he would run, he would kill himself, he would do whatever it took to not go to jail.

He stripped down naked in the bed, using only the sheet to cover the most private areas, and ended up being asked to leave the hospital because of inappropriate behavior (he had his new girlfriend IN the bed with him and they were drinking).

His probation officer declared him a liability to the jail because of his broken ribs and leg, and because of his suicidal status. Brother has told me that he is not suicidal, that he only said that because he knew they wouldnt arrest him.

He has alienated my mother, gotten very ugly with her because she refused to make a house payment for him (he is again at risk of losing his house). I still have his son living with me, but have NEVER recieved any type of support at all. The mother of this child is homeless, living under a bridge and prostituting herself for drug money....one of her "Johns" is my brother.

Right now, brother's plan is to delay this sentencing for as long as possible, and has been told it would take as long as a year for it to even start because of the back lag in the state lab where his blood work is. THEN, they can continue it for a year. His lawyer has pretty much guaranteed that he will serve a 1 year sentence, with a possibility of a two year sentence.

Brother says he will "pick up his kid" once this is over.....in 4-5 years! That would put nephew at 8-9 years old and having lived with me for 6 and a half years. It's cruel to even consider doing that to this child.

As for right now, brother is still drinking, but tells me not to worry because "it's on the down low". He has not accepted any responsibility for his actions, saying this all happened because of a stupid deer. He has asked me to lie for him in court and got angry when I refused, calling me horrible names and threatening to just "give his son to the foster system" if I didnt comply.

He's put our family thru hell. He's torturing his children. and my mother.....I cant even begin on how badly my mother is hurting right now.

I've contacted DSS, I've contacted a custody lawyer, and there is NO HELP that I can find for this little boy. He deserves a stable home with sober parents. He is happy here and content, a MUCH different child than he was when he first came to live with us this time.

I just cannot find the light at the end of the tunnel here. It just seems hopeless. I am worried that my brother is going to kill himself, or even worse, someone else with his next DUI. I am worried that he is going to have one of his own kids in the car on his next DUI.....and legally I HAVE to let him have his son when he asks for him (which is not often, but it still scares me).

Right now, my brother is about to lose his house, yet he has SIX people that he has allowed to move in with him. ALL of them, each and every one of them, drives a scooter and is on probation for a DUI. And they all like to party. The back porch is one huge pile of beer cans.

Then today, my brother informs me that he has bought a "nice used van", because the cops dont pull over vans and it "hauls a crap load of beer" and leaves room for a mattress in the back.

I am angry. I am tired. I am heart broken. I am absolutely terrified for my brother and for this little boy who is calling me "mama" now. And the only end that I can see to this is ugly and deadly.

I feel so helpless sitting here watching my brother kill himself, waiting for him to kill someone else.

I love my brother, but sometimes I wish he would just go away. And so, I feel guilty about feeling that way.

If you've read this far, you have my appreciation and admiration. I'm at another awkward point, so I'll just stop whining. Thanks for listening.