blackandblue, I also dated a heroin addict for 3 years so I could relate to your experiences. I think it might help to go back and read your very first post on SR and people's responses to you. Black and blue you definitely were. I'm sure the distance and time away from him has helped you become healthier both emotionally and physically. Healing is a process so dont pick at your scabs even if it may itch. Keep it up and dont go back. Chaos is no way to live and chaos comes with every addict.